i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
