he puts the penis in happiness.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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