Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
