Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
