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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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