so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
