Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Randomize
