he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
