I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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