I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
My cat gives me a boner
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
