haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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