Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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