I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
