I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
