Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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