haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
