hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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