So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
