New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
So squirting runs in the family.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
