your parents love me but you hate me
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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