maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
