Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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