is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
