How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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