Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
