you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
