Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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