THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
