just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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