He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
