I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
organizing the empties. That sober.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
