She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
