i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
