my mouth tastes like poor choices
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
