It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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