Im at strip club and am horny
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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