I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
