We won't sleep together?
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Randomize
