That's when you crack a 10am beer
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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