I think I am morally bankrupt
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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