we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Randomize
