I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
