...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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