I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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