I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
now i know why i became what i already was.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
