it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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