Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
