How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
