hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
