Your face is a jimmy john
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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