She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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